Among-Friends aims at providing a new and original way of making friends, socializing and enjoying sex between men.
My objective has been to create something different; a more friendly and human alternative to the typical anonymous encounters or pick-ups in the typical places we all know: sex clubs, saunas (bath houses), cruise clubs, parks and public places or darkrooms and impersonal crowded clubs.
Basically the idea is to create a group to make friends through mutual and group masturbation and a group of friends to enjoy masturbation with companionship and no complexes, as well as doing all the things that a group of friends does like going out for drinks, going for a meal, going to the cinema or theatre, on trips, sharing our leisure time, explaining our problems, supporting each other and sharing the affection that we all need so much and mutual and group masturbation in a nice and friendly atmosphere with the maximum good feeling possible.
Among-Friends is not the place for someone just looking for a thrill or pick-up and goodbye. After all, you can already find that anywhere on the gay scene or in any park! In this group we are looking for men who are open to forging long-lasting friendships who we can jack-off together periodically without inhibitions and above all with lots of companionship.
An old dream
I know that many guys had a jack-off buddy or a group of friends when they were younger who they could experiment with and jack off together but I didn't have that - it was just a fantasy for me, like for many other guys. From about 12 or 13 years old when I realized I liked other guys, I had this fantasy-dream of having a real group of friends who I could meet with and enjoy jacking off together. It was, if you like, an ambition I always wanted to fulfil.
I think that jacking off with a good friend is something really nice to share. It's about solidarity and fraternity between guys, and can act as a way of bonding so as to deepen friendship and understanding of the other person. I think there are still too many taboos, I will never understand, for example, why it's fine to shake a friend's hand, but it's so shocking to jack him off, when, when all's said and done, it's much more enjoyable and of course does no damage to anyone.
The disappointment
This teenage vision of physical contact and some sex among real friends has accompanied me through life as an ideal since a CAME out when I was 18 and started going out on the gay scene or to gay associations, I have always believed that homosexuality or sexual contact between men should be different. Perhaps I'm an idealist but I honestly expected something different.
I've always seen homosexuality or sex between men as something to share and enjoy without complexes, with no nonsense, between friends, in a fraternal way. But the gay scene we know is still a long way away from that.
The western and westernised ‘gay world' we all know is very dehumanised, with its dark romos, annonymous sex, treating people like sex objects rather than people, and there is a generalised feeling of emptiness and cynicism caused by this. I find the reality of gay bars and clubs, saunas, sex shops, public toilets, parks etc. very saddening, anonymous encounters, one night stands, very short term, superficial relationships which pass quickly by and never become friends. Lots of sex for sex's sake but very little affection and true feeling. I have always wanted to jack off with my best friends and have friends to jack off with. To get to know guys who like the same, become good friends and share affection, true friendship support but with mutual masturbation included as part of that friendship.
I have even wondered sometimes if there was ‘something wrong' with me because I prefer doing this with guys I know well and care about instead of unknown guys that I've just picked up somewhere. For me the current situation seems the wrong way round, guys jacking off with other guys they don't know or even care about and yet not doing it with the guys you know and love.
Our state as men
As we all know, the typical western guy has enormous problems about showing and expressing his emotions, especially with his male friends. The way we have been brought up; ‘big boys don't cry', ‘take it like a man', ‘you have to be strong', ‘you have to be a winner' etc. etc. it's a deeply engrained, underlying way of thought, yet I really thought that guys with a little more sensitivity, the guys who had realized and accepted their feelings of attraction for their own sex would have made a series of reflections what it really means to be man, the essence, and that on rejecting the stereotypical sexual model, they would also have rejected this upbringing that to be a man you have to be almost a machine, without feelings, except for football, fucking and cars.
My huge disappointment with the western ‘gay world' is that the majority of these traits are the same - just transferred. An obsession with image and physical appearance, lots of male rivalry. Fear of showing your feelings, of deepening relationships, lots of fucking around, lots of sexual ‘thrills' but very little affection and even less honest friendship between men.
The inspiration
In 2004 I took a made a trip around the world as a gay man, alone and it just went to confirm my worst fears: I was deeply saddened to find that the gay scene is just like hamburger restaurants, plastic and exactly the same all over the world from New York to Sydney passing through Singapore.
I saw very few exceptions like a really friendly bar in Los Angles which seemed like a party at somebody's house, but they were exceptions or good moments that you can find perhaps with a bit of luck any place on the right day. In general, the western vision of the gay ghetto is dominant and spreading everywhere across the world.
Luckily in other cultures, where this global vision has not been imposed yet, things are very different. In India, for example. It's a duty to the family for all men to accept the marriage that has been arranged for them by their parents and contact or relations with the opposite sex are quite cold, distant and ‘businesslike'. Outside of this family obligation, guys have great ‘romantic friendships' with other guys. They practice what they call "maasti" (naughtiness/mischief/games) which means sexual contact between good friends, mutual masturbation, oral sex, just ‘playing' but these games are played out among friends without complexes and labels. I wish relations between men here in the west or westernised world could be more like this. But for these men in India, they would think the separation we make in the west, and especially on the gay scene, between sex with unknown pick ups and friends without sex very strange. For them, like for me, sex between men should precisely be practiced with affection and among friends. What's the point to practicing sex only with guys you don't know or care about?
Relationships and friendships between men are deeper, longer-lasting and the ‘mischief' they practice together, this sharing affection and intimacy acts as the cement to the friendship.
The group is born in Barcelona
On returning to Barcelona from my world trip, as I didn't like the scene that existed, I simply decided not to just conform and sit and complain with my arms crossed. I decided to try to create something which was how I thought it should be.
What I have wanted to do with Among-Friends has been to mix my old, adolescent dream of friendship with a fraternal kind of sexual contact included with a little of the philosophy from Eastern countries, a vision of ‘real men' being men in touch with their emotions and capable of showing their feelings and create a website and a group here in Barcelona with these characteristics.
Trying to include all the positive things that I feel the gay scene lacks and excluding all the negative things that it shouldn't have. The hope was that there would be more guys who were looking for the same as me. The idea was to take sexual contact between guys out of the dark room
and switch on the light, take it out of anonymity and give a name to the people, take it out of the ‘sordid' places it is confined to and put it in the ‘living room without complexes, without drugs, in a friendly atmosphere, among friends.
And that's how Among-Friends was born in Barcelona in January 2006 and the success has gone way beyond my expectations. This isn't a group for perfectly formed models, it's not a group for guys just looking for a pick up and goodbye or just looking for a sexual ‘thrill'. It is a group for guys who are interested in creating real bonds of friendship and affection through mutual masturbation with other guys. We are a group of ‘regular' guys who enjoy seeing other guys naked, enjoy being in the company of other guys naked, enjoy physical contact and affection with other guys and enjoy jacking off with other guys.
I would like to invite all those who are looking for something like this to take part in the group. The aim is to get to know each other, naked as we are, without airs, without prejudices, beauty is in diversity and I hope that by jacking off together we can become real friends.
Fraternal hugs,
- Adrian
The founder and organizer of Among-Friends